My favourite way to describe yoga's ethical guideline of bramacharya (usually translated as "moderation" or "sexual restraint") is that it’s the art of remembering that we’re all divine beings having human experiences. So what does that really mean?

It’s entirely too easy to deal with people on a basic human level. I react to things people say about me. I decide I like/don’t like someone based on what they do. I bypass what a person is telling me they’re about because I’m just interested in what I want them to be to me. Philosophy and psychology often call this the “ego” element of our personality. And what’s the effect of dealing with others on an egoic level? Usually frustration, disappointment, manipulation, fleeting moments of satisfaction, and a consistent message that my locus of control is in the hands of those around me, always changing and inconsistent.

The Yoga Sutras explain that humans get into trouble in part because we misapprehend things that are temporary as permanent, and vice versa. We see a person's appearance and actions and think that’s actually what we’re engaged with, when really it’s the living and breathing and thinking and feeling part[s] within that matters. It’s not that our physicality isn’t real; rather, it’s not the essential element of our what makes us "us". Bramacharya is about engaging that essential aspect of people.

I think of it this way: There’s a part of me that feels pretty much like it has for as long as I’ve lived. I have more experience, yes. I’ve been here a bit longer, sure. But the thing that stays permanently “me” isn’t the physical, tangible stuff. It’s soul-based. It’s what I'm calling “divine”. When I think of myself as a divine being - an essential Self that’s not just my physical form but a Beingness expressing itself in this current physical form - then I find I pull out of small-mindedness, temporality, and entanglement.

When I focus on you as "divine" then I see you as a possibly-infinite presence and not just some crazy driver or poor Customer Service Rep. I can see you figuring out this human experience - and the skill or lack thereof with which you’re navigating the process - and consider how I can support your Greater Experience here. It becomes less important for you to fill my needs. It becomes kind of silly to worry about your habits or what you say about me. It becomes more intriguing to consider what you as a Bigger Being might be doing on this little planet.

Most of the people who hold major influence in my life and create experiences with me worth remembering are - consciously or not - holding a larger vision of me. Their influence on how I feel about myself is my number one best way to break through barriers, to feel safe and seen enough to I forgive, to envision amazing and impossible things. It is divine, inspired living and for me that’s at the heart of bramacharya.