So another Sunday morning yoga practice, and following inspiration on my drive home. 

Before class, I was catching up with the teacher - we haven’t seen each other in quite a few months - and to the question of ‘what are you up to?’, I replied that ‘I am just working and trying to figure out what I want to do for a career in the long term’. She replied back with ‘maybe I should stop trying to figure it out’ or something to that degree. What she said didn’t really strike me until the ride home. 

I have never been one to thrive under pressure when I consider that pressure to be from an external source. And by this I mean that I do my best when the push is from within, an internal force to achieve. In soccer, I always played best during my summer rec league than I ever did on my high school soccer team where you needed to please the coach to play and winning was always the end goal, not a bonus. I only enjoyed training with my cross-country running club, I never was interested in the races where I would inevitably measure myself against the other runners I would have raced against - I just wanted to run for fun. And now I feel the pressure to get that full-time life long career going, because that is what you do after going to university for 4 years, right? This external pressure to find a degree related career and succeed so far has not proven successful, and has just resulted in endless job searching and career pondering.

I have sat here, really not knowing where this post is going…typing and erasing numerous paragraphs. I guess I have no conclusion to this thought of mine yet. This week I am going to take this idea of performing for me, not others, to my mat each day, and meditate on it for my life in general….

Namaste.