Lovely person that he is, he reminded me last night that 30 days is nothing compared to the arduous, tricky parts of our somewhat difficult pregnancy, and then the zombie days and nights that followed. In total throughout our relationship we’ve probably had at least a year of celibacy already, so what’s another 30 days, especially if we can learn something?

For me the most awkward part of this challenge won’t be closing up shop, it’s talking about it that I dread. My friends can attest, I am the quiet one during the second bottle of wine “girl talks”. I am not especially prudish, and I love a good dirty joke, so why do I get so tongue tied when it comes to my own experiences?

My goals for this challenge are to establish a sense of comfort opening up dialogue about sex and my experiences with it (between my mister and I, close friends, and of course, this month, through my internet community), and to make some decisions about the roles that I consciously and unconsciously play in my life. When do I behave aggressively? When do I take on the submissive role? What does all of this have to do with my desire to have everyone love me? My need to be the funny one? Am I ok with these roles, or is there somewhere I want to change but haven’t figured out how yet?

Relationships must surely be the most important thing about having a human experience, yet they are tricky. It is easy to default to a certain mode and vernacular with certain people but if it becomes a habit, how can we ever tell when we are having a genuine experience with that other divine being or not? Is it humanly possible to take off all the masks?

You may have noticed by now that I quite handily moved this from a potentially vulnerable and personal post to a series of academic questions. I’m working on it, ok?

When the Pranababes first approached me about doing this Sexless in September, my first reaction was that it would be great for driving traffic to the site. Say “sex” and “yoga” on the same page and you’d be amazed how the numbers spike. Second thought to quickly follow was, “Why not? I’m kind of living that way by default anyway.” But then that doesn’t make for much of a challenge, does it?

So how do we make use of 30 days of consciously choosing celibacy? Well, our first mission was to use this opportunity to shed light on the real meaning of bramacharya. It’s about more than some Puritanical concept of suppressed sexual desire. It’s really about relationships - with ourselves, with each other. It’s about having an intention to improve those relationships. It’s about living with a vision of people being better to each other. At its heart, it’s really about exploring the nature of how we connect and how we can connect as more divine beings.

And that’s where we’ll begin, with considering relationships and these ambiguous concepts of divinity and intimacy. To me, intimacy means moving through layers: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, divine. The deeper you go, the more intimate. It’s a maze. Let’s explore …

1. Spend real time with real people that I love. In person, in action, learning, loving and exploring

2. Practice yoga every day. It’s my favourite way to learn things about the world and my place in it

3. Smile more. Nobody looks back on their life and says, gee I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time being happy…

Share your top 3 in the comments!

Namaste

Work hard, and have fun doing it. Be very focused. Meditate every morning on your goals, whatever they are, so that you won’t waiver through the day. Commit to yourself and let the world figure it out. Understand your environment but have discernment when it comes to how you interact with the world. Your own opinion matters most, period. Live so that you can look yourself in the mirror and feel what you want to feel.

It IS hard work. Don’t let that stop you. Become fit for it, so that it’s less hard and more enjoyable. It’s not for you or anyone to say whether it’s “good enough” or “the best” – what does that mean? What is the “best” version of you, other than you measuring up to some comparison? In order to be the best, you have to be better than something else, yes? But if there’s just you and just what you create, then it’s the experience that matters, it’s the emotion and the outcome for yourself that are the measure of your success. Did you enjoy it? Did it bring you what you wanted? Did it make you stronger? Did it feel good, right? This is karma - the action, and the result of that action.

Look outside yourself for information that helps you live your life, but not for answers or guidance. When you find something called ‘an answer’ or ‘guidance’ it’s simply the experience of another. The only way to know if it applies to you is to know yourself. Maybe you need to try it and see, or maybe you’ve already had the experience and you know what the outcome is for you.

Trust that what you create, who you are, is greater than you may currently see. This is faith. Stay focused on your goals and visions, even in the dark times. This is hope. Don’t lose yourself in what can easily become the daily drudgery of existence; feel alive and engaged in each moment. Work for that feeling. This is love.

Trust. Have faith. Have hope. Live in love. It doesn’t have to look like anything that can be graded. It simply has to be yours.

I want to see your everyday kindness and acts of selflessness - post them in the comments!

And a thought:

If you could only keep 25 possessions for the rest of your life, what would you keep? What would fall aside?

Namaste,

Lindsay

A wise friend shared her mantra with me today, and I’d like to share it with you here:

Treat yourself the way you treat others

This is of course assuming that you generally attempt to be good to those around you. Maybe you are the type of person who enjoys being cruel to coworkers; making coffee with vinegar instead of water; pushing old ladies as they cross the street; spitting on puppies.  I bet you aren’t, though.

Most of us truly are compassionate beings - most of the time. A big gap in that generalization happens when we consider ourselves. How often do you hold yourself to a higher standard than others? How often in the course of a day do you berate yourself “oh I’m so stupid”, “why did I do that, I’m such an idiot” ? As Mike Dooley says, thoughts become things, and soon enough, you can begin to believe that you are an idiot.

Today, I challenge you to begin creating a new forgiveness habit: forgive yourself first. Remember that you are a divine being having a human experience, and you will always be learning and evolving.

Let me tell you that was a very simple thing to type, but a habit that I will likely still be learning and forming when I am well into my ‘90’s (universe willing).